breathe

Real talk, guys.

I’ve been really stressed lately.

I’m becoming a lot more anxious and paranoid than I’ve been in the past.

I jump at every little noise.

I’ve noticed that my fear of the dark is worsening.

When I’m at work alone at night, I keep imagining horrible things happening to me.

Sometimes when I get sick and my sinuses are congested, like now, I have a difficult time breathing. It’s something that just started happening to me in the past year, but it makes me anxious every time it happens. It’s not even that bad, but it’s still scary. I start to panic a little, and I have force myself to take deep, even breaths.

I’m making this all sound way worse than it really is. I’m fine, really. I’ve always been a high-stressed person; I just feel like it’s just been worse so far this year. College, as much as I love it, takes up most of my time. I work at least 20 hours a week. I’m involved in different activities/groups outside of school. I’m looking for apartments for next year.

And the internet…the internet consumes me.

I’ve just been frustrated lately, which has led to stress. I’m frustrated with myself because I’ve become so obsessed with mindless internet browsing. I’m frustrated because I’m blaming myself for never having free time because all I do is sit on the internet, which is partly true, but I also need to give myself a little more credit. I do have a lot of homework. I am busy. It’s not completely my fault.

I need to acknowledge that. But at the same time, I do need to recognize that I could be doing so much more with my time that just watching Buzzfeed videos.

I’ve been watching a lot of WheezyWaiter’s videos lately. If you don’t know who WheezyWaiter is, then…I’m sorry??? He’s great. I’ve been watching his videos for several years, and he still remains one of my favorite YouTubers to this day. Anywho, he’s recently been making videos talking about how he’s trying to improve his life, and they’ve been really inspirational.

 

They’ve also made me realize something…I want to get off the internet. I need to get off the internet. And before you freak out, no, not completely. Obviously. I love the internet. I still want to check in on Facebook, and pin recipes on Pinterest that I’ll never cook, and, of course, keep up with this blog. I also love YouTube. I’ve been wasting a lot of my time there. And to be honest, it’s because one Buzzfeed video always leads to another…and another…and…you get the idea.

I need to take a step back from the internet though. It’s making me feel like I’m suffocating. So much stuff is being thrown in my face. It’s overwhelming.

I need to be able to breathe again.

Basically, this rambling nonsense all leads to my main point: I’m going to try to cut back my time on the internet. This means that I will need to be conscious of when I start to fall into aimless browsing. It means that I’ll need to force my finger to click the red ‘X’. It means that I actually need to put in some effort.

I know it’s not going to be easy, and sometimes, I will waste time with mindless browsing. It’s bound to happen. But I’m sick of the way I’m managing and spending my time now, and I want to change that. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the reasons I’ve become more stressed, and I want to see if cutting back on the internet will improve my mental state. Not only that, but it will allow me to find more creative ways to fill my time. I might become more motivated. I might actually get better at completing my homework more efficiently. It will also give me more time to focus on this blog, and figure out what I really want to do with it, because frankly, I’m not quite sure. I need to decide what kind of content I want to include/write about it. I want to post more frequently than what I’m doing now.

For all I know, this could be a fail. Maybe I won’t be able to tear myself away from the internet. But I want to try.

need to try.

I need to breathe again.

So thanks for sticking with me through this gibberish. I’m not even sure what I just wrote…I’m sure it’s confusing. So how about this – I’ll leave you with a song from Imagine Dragons that kind of relates to what I’m feeling:

 

Until next time,

Erin

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6 thoughts on “breathe

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