thinking

I think my last post was a good one to leave off on as I disappeared on an unexpected hiatus.

And I’m sorry for that, but I think it was good I took a break. I needed it.

I thought a lot. About stuff. About blogging. I’m still thinking. I’m going all Winnie the Pooh here, guys.

I still feel like I need to sort some things out before I come back to blogging. For a while I’ve felt like the way I’ve been blogging and my blogging experience just isn’t what I’m looking for (no shame in ending my sentence with a preposition). I’m not sure what I want exactly though, which is why I’m still thinking. And why I’m still taking a break.

So yeah. I’m thinking. And when I’m done thinking, I’ll get back to you.

-Erin

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breathe

Real talk, guys.

I’ve been really stressed lately.

I’m becoming a lot more anxious and paranoid than I’ve been in the past.

I jump at every little noise.

I’ve noticed that my fear of the dark is worsening.

When I’m at work alone at night, I keep imagining horrible things happening to me.

Sometimes when I get sick and my sinuses are congested, like now, I have a difficult time breathing. It’s something that just started happening to me in the past year, but it makes me anxious every time it happens. It’s not even that bad, but it’s still scary. I start to panic a little, and I have force myself to take deep, even breaths.

I’m making this all sound way worse than it really is. I’m fine, really. I’ve always been a high-stressed person; I just feel like it’s just been worse so far this year. College, as much as I love it, takes up most of my time. I work at least 20 hours a week. I’m involved in different activities/groups outside of school. I’m looking for apartments for next year.

And the internet…the internet consumes me.

I’ve just been frustrated lately, which has led to stress. I’m frustrated with myself because I’ve become so obsessed with mindless internet browsing. I’m frustrated because I’m blaming myself for never having free time because all I do is sit on the internet, which is partly true, but I also need to give myself a little more credit. I do have a lot of homework. I am busy. It’s not completely my fault.

I need to acknowledge that. But at the same time, I do need to recognize that I could be doing so much more with my time that just watching Buzzfeed videos.

I’ve been watching a lot of WheezyWaiter’s videos lately. If you don’t know who WheezyWaiter is, then…I’m sorry??? He’s great. I’ve been watching his videos for several years, and he still remains one of my favorite YouTubers to this day. Anywho, he’s recently been making videos talking about how he’s trying to improve his life, and they’ve been really inspirational.

 

They’ve also made me realize something…I want to get off the internet. I need to get off the internet. And before you freak out, no, not completely. Obviously. I love the internet. I still want to check in on Facebook, and pin recipes on Pinterest that I’ll never cook, and, of course, keep up with this blog. I also love YouTube. I’ve been wasting a lot of my time there. And to be honest, it’s because one Buzzfeed video always leads to another…and another…and…you get the idea.

I need to take a step back from the internet though. It’s making me feel like I’m suffocating. So much stuff is being thrown in my face. It’s overwhelming.

I need to be able to breathe again.

Basically, this rambling nonsense all leads to my main point: I’m going to try to cut back my time on the internet. This means that I will need to be conscious of when I start to fall into aimless browsing. It means that I’ll need to force my finger to click the red ‘X’. It means that I actually need to put in some effort.

I know it’s not going to be easy, and sometimes, I will waste time with mindless browsing. It’s bound to happen. But I’m sick of the way I’m managing and spending my time now, and I want to change that. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the reasons I’ve become more stressed, and I want to see if cutting back on the internet will improve my mental state. Not only that, but it will allow me to find more creative ways to fill my time. I might become more motivated. I might actually get better at completing my homework more efficiently. It will also give me more time to focus on this blog, and figure out what I really want to do with it, because frankly, I’m not quite sure. I need to decide what kind of content I want to include/write about it. I want to post more frequently than what I’m doing now.

For all I know, this could be a fail. Maybe I won’t be able to tear myself away from the internet. But I want to try.

need to try.

I need to breathe again.

So thanks for sticking with me through this gibberish. I’m not even sure what I just wrote…I’m sure it’s confusing. So how about this – I’ll leave you with a song from Imagine Dragons that kind of relates to what I’m feeling:

 

Until next time,

Erin

The Same Post – But Better!

I really must apologize for disappearing for a bit. I was busy with finals, Christmas, work, spending time with family/friends, and laying around watching TV/playing video games. So all important things. And then just this week I got struck by a horrible cold that I’m still trying to get over. I went to the doctor thinking that I had strep, but turns out I just caught a virus that gave me a nasty sore throat and caused my tonsils to swell up like balloons. Thanks body! Love you too!

After spending the past couple days doing nothing but groaning and sleeping and blowing my nose and watching so much TV I thought my eyes were going to explode, I got bored. Soooo I told myself that I should finally write up a blog post.

And guess what! It’s that blog post! That same one that the majority of bloggers write every single year. You know the one, where I state all of my goals and resolutions for the new year, none of which I’ll actually remember when December 31st rolls around. But hey! It’s the thought that counts. And it makes me feel better about myself…for right now.

But in all seriousness, I would like to actually put in some effort this year with achieving these goals. Yes, I say that every year, but…this year will be different? *fakes confidence*

Anywho, I’ve kind of divided my goals into categories, cuz that’s how I roll ’round here. Let me know what you think of my goals, and tell me about your goals for 2016 in the comments!

Personal Goals

  • Walk more. Okay, so every year, one of my goals is always “get fit” or “run every week” or “Omg can you exercise for at least 15 minutes a week you lazy rat”. And guess what. I SUCK AT EXERCISING. And I’ve finally embraced that. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I just have zero motivation to exercise. It isn’t a hobby of mine, and I don’t enjoy suffering on that torture contraption called a treadmill. But, I do know that exercise is so very important for your health, so I want (and need) to start small. I like leisurely walking, so I’m going to start there. Not only do I get some exercise out of it, but it gives me a chance to clear my mind and get outside for a bit. And no, walking more doesn’t include stress walking to class, hoping that I won’t be too late…Walking more for me means trying to walk for a little bit every day, or as often as possible. This should be easier to do once it warms up outside and winter’s gone.
  • Earlier bed time. AHAHAHA. This one will be hard. While I enjoy mornings, I am definitely more of a night owl. I stay up way too late most nights…And I can tell it’s not good for me. I always wake up feeling exhausted, no matter how much sleep I may have gotten. So I’m really going to try to go to bed even just a little bit earlier than what I’m doing now.
  • Pray more. I feel like I’ve become so bad at finding time to pray…I always seem to come up with petty excuses. I need, and want, to get into the habit of praying throughout the day, even if it’s a quick little prayer. More specifically, I want to find time to pray in the morning and at night before bed. As someone whose faith means a lot to her, I’m kind of ashamed by how little I actually pray…I need to do better.
  • Learn when enough is enough. One problem I had last semester was that I took on way too much. I mean, I got through it, but it wasn’t ideal. My GPA dropped a bit because of it (not drastically – I’m still doing really well, but it was hard to say goodbye to my 4.0…), and I was always doing something or going somewhere and it got exhausting. This year, I need to learn how much I can handle at a time without going insane. This is already relevant, as I need to decide if I want to keep or quit my second waitressing job once January is over…
  • Get a haircut. So this one seems a bit silly, but I haven’t gotten a haircut since I was like, 13 (I mean, I’ve gotten it trimmed – not the same thing). I want to donate it, but that would mean that my hair would be pretty short. And again, this sounds silly, but I’m kind of scared of having short hair again. I love my long hair, and people have told me it looks really nice on me. What if short hair doesn’t look good on me? What if I regret everything?! Regardless, I’m going to get it cut. Gotta try new things, right?

Reading Goals

  • Read 15 books this year. I know, I know, 15 books really isn’t that much. But…well, I haven’t been so great with reading the past couple years, so I wanted to keep it simple and doable. Who knows? As the year goes on, I might increase the number. We’ll see.
  • Read for at least 15 minutes a day. This’ll be good for me, and I think it might help me get past this super-duper long reading slump that I’ve been forever…

Writing Goals

  • Start editing Music’s Curse. Yup, I want to tackle the disastrous first draft of MC. I’d really like to get a solid draft put together so I can at least have my friends read it without being utterly confused. I don’t know how far I’ll get in editing it, but I’d like to start. I’d like to blog about my editing journey, too!
  • Do CampNaNo and NaNo in November. I’d really like to continue working on the story I started halfway through November, and am thinking that I could work on it for one of the Camps (Camp takes place twice, right?). Or maybe I’ll get started on the sequel for Music’s Curse…We’ll see.

Blogging Goals

  • Get back on a schedule. I’ve been posting sporadically, and probably will keep doing if I post anymore while I’m on break. But I’d like to get back to posting on Fridays, preferably every Friday if I can manage.
  • Comment more. I am so bad at commenting on other people’s blogs! I’m just lazy. I love it though when people comment on my posts, so I want to try to get better at commenting on other people’s posts.
  • Follow more awesome blogs. This might be surprising, but I really don’t follow many blogs. I used to, but most of the people I followed are now long gone. I want to find more interesting and fascinating people!
  • Share more original works. This includes pictures, writing, music, artwork, etc. I want to share it with you guys! I like seeing what other people think of my stuff.

The list could go on and on, but I’m going to end it there. I know if I set too many goals for myself, I won’t be able to meet them all, and then I’d be disappointed at the end of the year. This is already a pretty hefty list for me. But I’m optimistic about meeting most of these goals!

Classes start up again for me on the 25th, and you can expect to hear from me before then. I’d like to take a look back at the movies, books, TV shows, music, and such that I experienced during 2015. I’d also like to write a post about the things I’m excited for in 2016!

Until next time,

Erin

First!

Welcome friends, old and new alike! I’m excited to be back blogging with all of you! This is just a quick post letting you all know that this blog is now up and running. Feel free to take a look around — I have two pages about me and the blog, and a page about my WIP, Music’s Curse, because I’ll probably be talking about it quite often, so it’ll be a nice little reference page you can use.

I’ll have new posts up on Fridays, though this week I may publish one sooner. I have a great idea for a post about Myers-Briggs that I really want to write, so that may be up sooner than Friday.

So…yeah! Here’s to a fresh, new start! Hope to see you all around! *raises mug of coffee*

–Erin