Confession: I actually really don’t like writing reviews for…well, anything. I’m just not good at it, unless I really have a lot to say about the thing I’m reviewing. At work, we have a board where employees can post movie reviews, and the longer I’m at the theater, the shorter my reviews become. Most of the time they consist of 1) a short, witty sentence that takes me five minutes to come up with and that I think is extremely clever and funny, 2) an evaluation of how hot the actors were, and/or 3) a doodle relating to the movie. Example: my review for The Force Awakens was just: “It was out of this WORLD”.
Long, detailed reviews just aren’t my specialty.
Which is why I will be reviewing 2015 movies in mini reviews. You’re not going to learn anything or benefit from this, so it’s completely pointless, but I’m doing it anyway.
The majority of movies I see in a year are in theaters. I see a lot of movies. I work at a movie theater, okay?
(And I can get in free haha jokes on you)
So here are my reviews of all the movies I saw in theaters in 2015:
- The Imitation Game
Centerline Rumblestrips did a good job acting. A+ soundtrack. 4/5
CAW CAW CAW. 4/5
- The Seventh Son
This movie tried its best to be something else but I’m not sure what it was trying to be. 2.75/5
- Kingsman: The Secret Service
Manners maketh man, and this movie maketh me happy. One of my favorites of 2015. 5/5
- Fifty Shades of Grey
HAHA You thought I actually saw this for a minute there, didn’t you?
It’s exactly what you think it is. 3.5/5
- The Age of Adaline
Well…that’s awkward. 3/5
- The Avengers: Age of Ultron
YEAH I LIKED IT OKAY I KNOW YOU DIDN’T BUT SHUT UP. 4.5/5
- Mad Max: Fury Road
A.K.A. Not-really-Mad Max: Furiosa’s Road Rage. 4.5/5
- Pitch Perfect 2
It’s funny until you have to watch The Voice credit scene a gazillion times while cleaning. 3.5/5
Something about a field. I don’t remember. 3/5
Spoiler: it was a movie about a spy. 4/5
- Jurassic World
THESE PEOPLE NEVER LEARN THAT MAKING BIGGER BADDER DINOS IS A VERY VERY BAD IDEA. 4.75/5
- Inside Out
I know I was supposed to like this movie, but…*whispers* I didn’t really like it all that much. 2.75/5
I think this movie is what being on drugs is like. 2/5
This movie was…surprisingly good? More Ant-Man please. 5/5
- Mr. Holmes
The. Whole. Movie. Was. So. Slow. 3/5
- Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation
For such an embarrassing, poorly-made poster, this movie was awesome. 5/5
- The Fantastic Four
- The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Armie Hammer and Henry Cavill = Dream Team. Much colors, wow. 5/5
- Black Mass
I think it was good?? I was too confused to tell. 3/5
- Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials
THERESA DOES NOT DO THAT IN THE BOOK I’M SO PISSED. 3.5/5
- The Martian
Getting stranded on Mars? #relatable 5/5
- Crimson Peak
I smell an affair…Oh. 3/5
- The Last Witch Hunter
This movie didn’t even try which actually made it kinda enjoyable. 3/5
Oo, burn. I think. 3.5/5
- The Peanuts Movie
Hello, nostalgia. 4.5/5
- The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2
Jake Gyllenhaal was so good. 4.75/5
- Victor Frankenstein
Welcome to my twisted mind. 3/5
- In the Heart of the Sea
Thor ain’t lookin’ so hot. 2.75/5
- Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Like I said earlier…It was out of this WORLD. 5/5
- Point Break
Definitely reached my breaking point with this movie. 2/5
To wrap up: I saw over 30 movies in theaters this year (some of which I saw more than once). My favorites were Kingsman, The Man from U.N.C.L.E, The Martian, and The Force Awakens. The movie that disappointed me the most was Inside Out. Worst movie I saw was The Fantastic Four.
Hope you enjoyed this completely useless post. If you liked this, maybe I’ll do more mini reviews in the future.
Until next time,