breathe

Real talk, guys.

I’ve been really stressed lately.

I’m becoming a lot more anxious and paranoid than I’ve been in the past.

I jump at every little noise.

I’ve noticed that my fear of the dark is worsening.

When I’m at work alone at night, I keep imagining horrible things happening to me.

Sometimes when I get sick and my sinuses are congested, like now, I have a difficult time breathing. It’s something that just started happening to me in the past year, but it makes me anxious every time it happens. It’s not even that bad, but it’s still scary. I start to panic a little, and I have force myself to take deep, even breaths.

I’m making this all sound way worse than it really is. I’m fine, really. I’ve always been a high-stressed person; I just feel like it’s just been worse so far this year. College, as much as I love it, takes up most of my time. I work at least 20 hours a week. I’m involved in different activities/groups outside of school. I’m looking for apartments for next year.

And the internet…the internet consumes me.

I’ve just been frustrated lately, which has led to stress. I’m frustrated with myself because I’ve become so obsessed with mindless internet browsing. I’m frustrated because I’m blaming myself for never having free time because all I do is sit on the internet, which is partly true, but I also need to give myself a little more credit. I do have a lot of homework. I am busy. It’s not completely my fault.

I need to acknowledge that. But at the same time, I do need to recognize that I could be doing so much more with my time that just watching Buzzfeed videos.

I’ve been watching a lot of WheezyWaiter’s videos lately. If you don’t know who WheezyWaiter is, then…I’m sorry??? He’s great. I’ve been watching his videos for several years, and he still remains one of my favorite YouTubers to this day. Anywho, he’s recently been making videos talking about how he’s trying to improve his life, and they’ve been really inspirational.

 

They’ve also made me realize something…I want to get off the internet. I need to get off the internet. And before you freak out, no, not completely. Obviously. I love the internet. I still want to check in on Facebook, and pin recipes on Pinterest that I’ll never cook, and, of course, keep up with this blog. I also love YouTube. I’ve been wasting a lot of my time there. And to be honest, it’s because one Buzzfeed video always leads to another…and another…and…you get the idea.

I need to take a step back from the internet though. It’s making me feel like I’m suffocating. So much stuff is being thrown in my face. It’s overwhelming.

I need to be able to breathe again.

Basically, this rambling nonsense all leads to my main point: I’m going to try to cut back my time on the internet. This means that I will need to be conscious of when I start to fall into aimless browsing. It means that I’ll need to force my finger to click the red ‘X’. It means that I actually need to put in some effort.

I know it’s not going to be easy, and sometimes, I will waste time with mindless browsing. It’s bound to happen. But I’m sick of the way I’m managing and spending my time now, and I want to change that. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the reasons I’ve become more stressed, and I want to see if cutting back on the internet will improve my mental state. Not only that, but it will allow me to find more creative ways to fill my time. I might become more motivated. I might actually get better at completing my homework more efficiently. It will also give me more time to focus on this blog, and figure out what I really want to do with it, because frankly, I’m not quite sure. I need to decide what kind of content I want to include/write about it. I want to post more frequently than what I’m doing now.

For all I know, this could be a fail. Maybe I won’t be able to tear myself away from the internet. But I want to try.

need to try.

I need to breathe again.

So thanks for sticking with me through this gibberish. I’m not even sure what I just wrote…I’m sure it’s confusing. So how about this – I’ll leave you with a song from Imagine Dragons that kind of relates to what I’m feeling:

 

Until next time,

Erin

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College Lyfe

It’s that time of the year again. College classes have begun! Except this time, I’m at a new school, and even after just a week, I’m loving it! It’s so weird to now be one of those university kids who I used to watch for years, who walked from building to building with heavy backpacks. It’s just such a strange feeling.

But anyway, now that school’s a week in, I thought it would be fun to do “A Day in the Life” post. I’ve seen other bloggers do this and always wanted to, but alas, most of my days are incredibly boring. But I’m going to do one now — in fact, I’m going to share two of my days since my class schedules vary. Hopefully this doesn’t turn out to be too boring…

Wednesday, September 9th

7:30 — My alarm goes off. I hit snooze and sleep for another 40 minutes.

8:10 — I get up and get ready for the day. I have coffee, eggs, and toast for breakfast (I am a strong believer in breakfast — EAT BREAKFAST PEOPLE). I also have time to pack a lunch so I don’t have to eat out. I make myself two tacos with my mom’s homemade salsa.

9:10 — I leave for class. The guy in front of me did not know how to drive.

9:25 — I park at the movie theater where I work since it’s close to the university and I don’t want to pay for parking. My first class, Marketing, starts at 9:35 and I’m running a little late, so I rush to the right building. I make it with four minutes to spare!

9:35 — Marketing! I still don’t know how I feel about this class. It’s too early to tell. I don’t think I’m going to hate it, but I don’t think I’ll love it. I also don’t know how I feel about the professor. He’s…interesting. But at least he seems to know what he’s talking about. We have our first quiz which I do pretty well on.

11:00 — I walk all the way across campus to get to my Intro to Arts Management class. I LOVE THIS CLASS. The professor is amazing! He makes us all rearrange our chairs into a circle to form a more inviting atmosphere for conversation. And we had some great discussions about the arts/arts management! Also he loves using chalkboards which makes me happy because I love the sound of chalk on the board! I JUST REALLY LOVE THIS CLASS.

12:15 — I walk back to my car and eat my tacos. I listen to the Smoke + Mirrors album by Imagine Dragons because the radio doesn’t play good music.

1:00 — I go to my Orientation to Arts Management/Communications class. There really doesn’t seem to be a point to this class? It just talks about requirements for the majors in the Comm. department and such. It’s kind of boring, but it’s only 1 credit and it ends in October, so whatever.

2:00 — I drive back home. I finish some homework for my online American history class (which wasn’t my first pick for history, but I couldn’t make any of the other history classes work), and then watch some Youtube videos.

6:00 — I’m helping with religious education at my church this year like I usually do, so I leave to attend a preparation meeting for that.

8:30 — I come home, shower, and play some Skyrim (which I’ve been playing for about a year now, and I’m still obsessed with it).

11:30 — I reluctantly head to bed.

Thursday, September 10th 

6:15 — My alarm goes off, but I sleep for another 20 minutes.

6:35 — I force myself to get up. I pack a lunch of cucumbers, a bagel, and cream cheese. It was all I could find.

7:30 — I leave for my 8:00 AM Astronomy class.

8:00 — I go to my hour-long Astronomy lecture. I find Astronomy so fascinating, and I think that I’m going to like this class. But I was so tired, it was hard to pay attention.

9:00 — I walk to the university center to do some studying. I took a mock French placement test, since I was planning on taking the actual test today. However, while I do okay on the mock test, it wasn’t enough to test out of French 101 (which is my goal). I decide to wait until next semester to take the placement test so I can study some more. I was also going to do some of my online History reading but the WIFI sucked.

10:30 — I go to my favorite resale/antique shop downtown instead. I looked for some CDs, but I couldn’t find anything I liked. I bought a cool-looking scarf and some earrings instead.

11:30 — I go to the Wisconsin River, find a nice quiet spot, and eat my lunch.

12:15 — I drive back to the university to practice my symphony orchestra music.

1:00 — I go to symphony orchestra practice! It feels so good to playing in an orchestra again! The professor is great, and everyone is so talented. And I get to play 1st violin! Thank goodness; I strongly dislike playing 2nd violin. However, I still don’t know the music very well…

3:00 — I drive back home. There are so many reckless drivers on the road! Almost as bad as the FIBs.

3:30 — I play the piano for a bit but then basically do nothing for about three hours.

6:30 — Dinner! Potatoes, chicken, and green beans!

7:30 — I blast some dance music and my baby sister and I shake it off, shake it off.

8:00 — I get around to reading my history…but then get distracted and download some music from Amazon, like the latest Imagine Dragons single.

IT’S SO GOOD.

10:30 — I get bored of reading history so I watch two episodes of Parks & Recreation. I’m started to get hooked.

12:00 — I really don’t know what I do but I do something for 45 minutes.

12:45 — Bed.

So that’s a little taste of how my days are going! Maybe I’ll do some more of these later on in the semester (you know, when I’m more stressed and ready to tear my hair out).

Peace out,

Erin